Categories: innersanctum

✈️☢️💨 xresurrectedx ✈️☢️💨

💉🎩🕊️ hi hi hi, hats off and a little bow to you,  💗Dear Reader💗, hopefully "You"
                      but also maybe me 🪞🐍 reading this later...typing it now…😊 hi.

My    💧old site💧  was “Seized by the United States Government” through a middleman contractor. . . A secret government agent! Truly, if you believe it! 💛

💉🎩🕊️ It’s a good thing it happened, in a way, because I began to disdain the URL. This one is cuter, more aligned with my #vibe. Currently. That’s a problem, the currents change too quickly! Although, in reality, of course, most certainly, they always stay the same. I can’t excite myself too much. I’ve done a decent job with the site so far though it needs improvement this is NOT THE FINAL PRODUCT AND YET I PUT IT INTO PRODUCTION 🤯.  I just! Really! Missed! Typing! I’m habituated, darling, it’s a disease. I must compulsively type .  type. type. type .press  key .press key press key 🔑 touch type type sound of keyboard moving ⌨️ click snap swipe 👐👋👐👐👋👋👐 I just feel so free when I’m typing without thinking. This is something I love about. . . um. Current Society. 🌐🔌🧠 [honestly, it's therapeutic almost so long as there are no vile fucking vermin to leave their trails of excrement and poison. sorry...] 

💉🤹🕊️ It’s a sad thing, however, to have lost that site because :> silly me, I didn’t save some of the posts there! For example, I had some entries of around when my mom died and I would have liked a record of those, but it’s not that big of a deal. It just goes to show how quickly a tower can fall and how reckless, careless I am with the things I do. Already, I spent some not insignificant time on this site, and if for any reason, zap!⚡ It could all just… disappear. Exactly like life. Which is why it doesn’t make sense when people try to degrade artifice. [rhyming is an omen]. Unlike real life, at this point, one cannot resurrect themselves as easily or as quickly. In the similar form and all. Maybe past lives are like, making new accounts though I genuinely find life comparisons with computing revolting. What I mean is that, I died last week online and now I ressurect. On the contrary, I have yet to see my mom or dad walk this earth again. Though, there is Jesus and I don't mean to insult him...
   What else… I don’t know if I’ll keep this theme, the old one was really cute, even if it started to annoy me too... see, this just shows how needed it for it to have been destroyed, it’s so good to have something different and new. Plus, that other place was fucking infested! Millenarian Energy about The Destruction of My Webpages. Time accumulates so much, too much, even without the undisciplined perverts. And sometimes, I suppose things must be undone and erased. It’s nice, in that way, to know :) and remember :) that even memories don’t necessarily have to survive, but in this case, I did learn some things from that other site which I shall retain, though, I cannot disclose them to you now… 

🤹🕊️ So, anyway. What’s new. Hmmmmmm, hm, hm, hm,..⭐ I’m just so happy and grateful to have this again. And I’ve put the front blockade pages, of which I should add more, to barricade and insulate myself from others. It might not work that way, but it feels that way to me. and that’s perhaps more important than whatever actually happens? 

I have some major anxiety in the background. There are intensely strong, shifting and still unsettled currents swirling about. I can’t discuss them with you. Suffice it to say, I’ve had recurring dreams of weddings. The other night, in the dream, I was near Galeries Lafayette by Saint-Lazare and it was like, literally everyone was getting married. There were perhaps nearly fifty or so couples in the streets, on the sidewalk, inside the shops. I remember one older couple in particular. Something sinister about these dreams, always that under-structure of destruction and malevolence… lurking! Evil as a voyeur, a predator, a stalker. Oh, if only I had saved a copy of my long post on that! What a tragedy. It’s sort of hot. I have a sick fetish for producing garbage and polluting the internet, the “noosphere” (execute me now!) with drivel that will be deleted. Something liberating to at least feel that nothing sticks. 

I should probably sleep soon… This was just, yes. 
          Introducing the self who uses this to the self who didn’t until now. Thank you. 

🤹  However ! 💗 an old dream occurred to me while i was just quickly editing this. it was a dream of being in an old french town walking around and i was going to meet my beloved companion and was jumping up and across buildings and i remember this one, i had to scale the building, and they were drinking on the rooftop. the buildings were a bit taller than they are in reality. and there were some funny tricks and traps that the bar had set up to impede the drunks or something, there was something in the dream about a vertical obstacle course built into a middle age french building. other things, a trapdoor in the ceiling. such a nice things about dreams. i wouldn't think about something like that without them. white linens, clay, night time, yellow streetlamps, i remember walking a lot and messing with my ankles on the cobblestones, but you know, this dream was dreamt some weeks ago, perhaps even more than a month ago, possibly two, and now with events that you don't know, it seems to be relevant to occurrences...occuring...very soon...almost now... that dream was so weird. it was mostly men. and okay FINE i will JUST tell you. i am going to a large social gathering tonight. i say perhaps one or two more details but after that no more than this! 🤐 

i'm nervous/excited. i haven't socialized in a while and can't remember the last time with this amount of people. it will be good, i think. i wish 🌠💛. i'm scared i'll disappoint the guests (the event is centered around my human companion and i've not really made an appearance before except around one of the people going). thankfully, i don't drink because i'm an alcoholic and that'll be two years sober on november 1 !💙 i've only quit cigarettes, my goodness, it's been just about a month that i've quit 👼🚭 this is related to the dream of the obstacles, perhaps? interesting... my apologies already for being so self-centered. it will mostly be like this. am i allowed? i don't know.

i've become quite sleepy now. i love you, sweet dreams xo
                          🕊️💗 remind ourselves not to forget to talk about narcissism



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