{"id":695,"date":"2021-10-14T10:11:54","date_gmt":"2021-10-14T10:11:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/?p=695"},"modified":"2025-01-31T12:26:29","modified_gmt":"2025-01-31T12:26:29","slug":"695","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/2021\/10\/14\/695\/","title":{"rendered":"Plagiarizing God Every time I think"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">There is something luxurious about not using social media. Whenever I deactivate, I feel \u201cout of the loop\u201d but also richer in time, thoughts, imagination, energy. The lack of feeling leeched upon and bound to a regimen where I must perform or provide some kind of \u201cvalue\u201d (transient, wasteful value) at regular or at least semi-regular intervals; bound to other people I don\u2019t actually know, mixed in with them and their energies, attached in a way to them and a member of their\u2014\u201cour\u201d\u2014network. It feels as draining as working a minimum wage job, almost, though of course, there are good days sometimes, and just like in any uniform, I love to look at myself in it (I miss looking at my profile). <strong><em>It\u2019s actually better to provide zero value and be left alone. I like being worthless and having nothing to offer because then I can be free, all by myself.<\/em><\/strong> \ud83e\udd0d<br><br>I\u2019m still thinking about propaganda and pathological.. logic (?). We watched <em>The Cremator<\/em> last night and even this reminded of the homicidal rationale of brainwashing and coercive psychological pressure. Here is the trailer: <br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed aligncenter is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Cremator (Modern Trailer)\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/yMOT553AyAE?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em><sub>the soundtrack is so marvelous, too, so i had to add x<\/sub><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed aligncenter is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Zden\u011bk Li\u0161ka \u200e\u2013 The Cremator \/ Spalova\u010d Mrtvol (1969) (Cel\u00e9 album\/Full album)\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Ku87fMgf8TQ?start=1&#038;feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\"><em><strong> <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\"><em><strong>\u201cThe sooner people are incinerated and returned to dust: the sooner they\u2019ll be enlightened, purified, and free.\u201d \u201cThe sooner people accept our truth and reality: the sooner they\u2019ll be saved, valuable, happy, and acceptable.\u201d<\/strong><\/em> <br><br>There is a long history of brainwashing used to build and maintain group harmony and social cohesion, I mean, isn&#8217;t that what it always is? There is no form of coercion that is not working towards the harmony and cohesion and unity of a group. Even if that cohesion is against your values, they&#8217;re not against the values of the overarching values of the group identity. <br><br><em><strong>Maybe I\u2019m obsessed\u2026 It\u2019s all about control and freedom from control<\/strong><\/em>. And why then, wouldn&#8217;t the most suspicious people be those who are the most arrogant and assured of their freedom from control, the ones convinced they possess the exacting power of implementing order and controls, and the ones who think they are either above or simply beyond influence?<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image is-style-rounded\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"585\" height=\"337\" src=\"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/3f093f51.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-730\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">Desiring control and external authority to provide order and divestment of the already limited choices available to a person often seems a way to signal docility, non-threatening, subordinate status. \u201c<em>Don\u2019t be mean to me, I\u2019m not in control!<\/em>\u201d I know this one because I\u2019m guilty of this. But it can also be threatening because only someone with some kind of authority and power could afford the luxury to proudly announce how non-human they are. Are they trying to ingratiate themselves among those they consider dehumanized? I don&#8217;t know, sometimes it feels sincere when I come across this kind of thing, other times it feels predatory, sheep in wolves clothing type of energy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Personally, I feel like I\u2019ve been trying to be human my entire life. I\u2019ve tried to be human and when I\u2019ve failed (as gauged by the way other people treat me) I retreat back into my non-humanity. It&#8217;s easier not being human, then. It\u2019s easier to deny that one has flaws, weaknesses. Related to my narcissistic traits of denying my weaknesses out of a fear of being devalued when I should be more robotic, more controlled, always more disciplined, always more non-human, and always less human. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Except the standard of humanness is, really, maybe non-existent. I said once that humanity gatekeeps its humanity, which I guess is still true being as I conceive of this sentence as a more antagonistic in-group favoritism slogan. The ingroup is always so clever, unique, capable, deserving (human) while the outgroup is dull, stereotypical, dumb, unworthy, (inhuman), etc.<em> [Make all of humanity the outgroup and stereotype the entire species].<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I digress. The point is that there is something nefarious and threatening about signaling that one is proud of their inhumanity\/dehumanization procedure\u2026I honestly shouldn\u2019t spend so much cognitive energy on these lies. The point is that complacency and pride in dehumanization is a frightening thing. But perhaps it\u2019s only my perception and, possibly, things even that I\u2019ve said could be perceived as an acceptance of dehumanization. In fact, as I mentioned, I would rather expand humanness than whittle down the definition to narrower and narrower terms. <strong>Humanity is so ephemeral and truly does not exist.<\/strong> &#8220;<em>Humanity&#8221; is more like an abstract idea and is best used as a weapon, like all grand ideas.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The fetishization of powerlessness, of being mind-controlled, (with respect to sexual fetishists and people who sincerely believe\/know they are victims of mind-control) seems to me to be a sublimation of knowing we\u2019re being controlled and submitting to having no to limited control over those controls\u2026 if that makes sense. <br><br>An entirely external locus of control, and the engineering of the desire for that external domination, which certainly feeds perfectly back into the global superstructure of control. So true! But where do I see this? Online. On social media. Where the loss of control and sense of being algorithmically micro-managed is severe. It&#8217;s a weird fusion of a million things. And it&#8217;s so complex, more complex than I&#8217;ll ever give the time it deserves. In my opinion, we certainly are controlled by a billion things. The earth itself is controlled by a trillion things. We can\u2019t count the influences or know the limits of those controls, but there is something to be said about forging one\u2019s own relationship to the external, rather than outsourcing it to an external other (crowds, media, software, groups). Some could argue that we outsource the mediation with the external through our bodies and what we ingest. I agree with this. I just wonder, since we are knowingly controlled by the sun, earth\u2019s orbit, water, nutrients, our blood, the air, etc. do we have to exacerbate human to human control? <strong><em>To make coercive communication, persuasion, propaganda, and counter-propaganda the standard \u201cdialogue\u201d with others? Does the entire human culture have to descend into everything being made for control purposes? (yes).<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image is-style-rounded\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"420\" height=\"54\" src=\"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/teddy.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-733\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p>I looked at Twitter today soon after I woke up. Friday will be a week that I\u2019ve deactivated, so it&#8217;s not even been a full seven days 0.0. I\u2019ve been having weird dreams. Last nights were somewhat difficult and strange, but the dream interpretations I skimmed gave them a darker hue (\u2026mind control).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My dad was driving me through this terrible ice and wind storm. It felt like an emergency evacuation apocalyptic scenario. We were in heavy traffic and people were driving surprisingly well considering the snow, hail, and violent winds that were so intense that they made buildings wobble, stretch and distend like they were made out of inflatable plastic jelly. We were driving at night and when I sometimes had the POV of being the passenger, the road ahead was barely visible. But I was often watching the car from the outside in third person view and saw the wet streets reflecting lights, the black roads, and crisscrossing lines of hail. The cars were often slipping and sliding across the streets but no one got into an accident. Eventually, we arrived at this hotel on some mountain, reminiscent of The Shining, and I know I\u2019ve been to that same hotel in previous dreams. The hotel was partially like, superimposition of suburban townhouse apartments and remote, isolated hotel. In any case, the elevator shaft was frozen with a thick wall of clear ice in the doorway. There was ice and snow covering everything. The inside of the hotel lobby was cold and when I entered, three people came out of the walls. They were clearly ghosts or dead people but seemed like, employees, which further confirms The Shining infiltration, which is interesting I guess because my dad and I watched that movie when I was about eight and it terrified me. So, I asked the concierge person if I could stay in the hotel and he said that it would be difficult because everything was frozen. Now that I\u2019m typing this, I\u2019m remembering another dream I had about being in a hotel service elevator with people. hmm.. too many dream memories occurring, it\u2019s disorienting. To make it short, my dad walked around the hotel courtyard with me for a little while and it was like, I had to stay there for some time, it was a great relief that I had finally arrived. I wanted my dad to stay and wait to drive back considering the weather but he was insistent that he leave. The drive was six, seven hours or so, so I was worried about him being fatigued. But he wanted to leave. He was fairly distant in the dream, more than he was in real life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t often have \u201cnice\u201d dreams with my deceased parents, which sucks because when they\u2019re like the dream I had last night, it leaves a sort of depressing aching, and angry feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, of course, I wanted to look up the meaning instead of meditating to figure it out myself\u2026 External Control. Anyway. I don\u2019t care to talk about this anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I sort of miss Twitter. I mostly lurk on TikTok and I don\u2019t use Instagram or Facebook or any other social platform, so it\u2019s like having no social media presence without it. Sometimes, like this morning, I\u2019ll use my puppet account to lurk Twitter, and skimming the timelines immediately reminds me why I don\u2019t need to use it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The lure of being a mass media propagandist is inciting. And there is no way not to be a propagandist on Twitter, I\u2019ve concluded, and accepting that and then behaving as such, is the \u201cbest\u201d way to \u201cwin\u201d Twitter. I may reactivate someday, so this will seem silly if ever I do, but I\u2019m trying to think of the benefits of using Twitter because it 100% is a cost\/benefit transaction and the costs were too steep for the measly benefits I received. The only thing I can think of that gives value to social media is exposure, contagion, influence, popularity. Which, and I may be biased, seem identical goals to propaganda. And on Twitter, it\u2019s a competition to create the most popular, replicable media possible. And, well, given that I don\u2019t like socializing, I don\u2019t like networking, I don\u2019t like dealing with people, I don\u2019t like recognition, I don\u2019t want to be replicated, I don\u2019t want to influence anything, mostly because I don\u2019t want to deal with other people, none of those rewards genuinely appeal to me. It\u2019s so empty to me now, which is good because I\u2019d like to move on. It\u2019s been decades I\u2019ve lived on social media and I feel like it\u2019s a crutch, I feel there is no one way to genuinely appreciate and encounter others on there, to begin with. I guess I\u2019m just over it for now, and I want to get pregnant and I don\u2019t want to have my potential baby\u2019s development chemically influenced by people I don\u2019t even like very much on Twitter. And I don\u2019t like how easily misconstrued, misinterpreted things are there\u2026 and don\u2019t get me started on the hipster fa\u00e7ade attitude of typing like a stoned fourteen-year-old. Maybe, you know, it\u2019s likely I\u2019ll never use Twitter like LinkedIn or in a professional sales capacity and I\u2019m not into crypto or digital art, so it feels simultaneously that there is no \u201cplace\u201d for me there and also, like I\u2019m too old, and I just don\u2019t have the Twitter Mindset, I suppose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And it does feel luxurious to live mostly offline, out of the grasp of those micromanager algorithms. I may not actually have privacy, but there is a marked increase in privacy that being offline affords and that increase feels almost decadent. It feels subversive and illicit. Like, okay, this might be just rationalization to justify not wanting to be on social media, but I have this sense of self-sufficiency and privilege to not \u201cneed\u201d social media, to be fine without, and to have no needs that must be met through the use of it. I feel so secretive now, too, unreachable, truly; even though I keep this blog, at least it\u2019ll remain hidden and barely anyone will read it. It can\u2019t be spread easily &lt;3. And the values of social media simply aren\u2019t aligned with mine. I don\u2019t value popularity, recognition, exposure, or influence. I\u2019m a hermit, I\u2019ve always been a hermit, and trying to be anything other than a recluse is suicidal. And yes, mostly, I need a break from people. Sever the energetic ties and drawing up the bridges so I can be perfectly isolated and alone. I just love quitting things! \ud83e\udd0d<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image is-style-rounded\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"420\" height=\"54\" src=\"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/teddy.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-733\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>01100110 01100001 01101001 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01110000 01100001 01100111 01100001 01101110 01100100 01101001 01110011 01110100 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":738,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,35,34],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=695"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1037,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions\/1037"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/censorine.com\/saturn\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}