Win a new iPhone! By Staring into Nothing

I think the thing. 
                     One of the things. I dislike the most 
                     about existing online is that,
                     unlike in 100% embodied reality, 
                     your online existence is an 
                     entirely 
                     voluntary 
                     penetration. . . infiltration.  Willfully forcing your existence onto others. . . Because you know your existence, your skillset, knowledge and your entire personhood are worth being seen, subscribed to and shared. Every post is an implicit communication of this arrogance, whether it's justified or not. It's truly a selfless gift to others that we interject ourselves into their lives, which are spent scrolling and sitting in front of screens, and especially when we all just want to be appreciated, recognized, and seen.

But the reality of #Everyone knowing you want to exist here, that you're looking to be recognized by strangers; that #Everyone knows you think it's worth sharing that thought. . . simply becomes too presumptuous. I don't even know these people. And the sad truth is I don't like many of them either. 

So, on the one hand, it feels undignified to share thoughts online to strangers who never truly asked or, in some cases, even consented to listen to me or to know me in the first place, and on the other, I don't even like them, so why would I speak to them at all ? Important questions during this cataclysmic time on Earth. Questions about me. . . asked to myself, by myself . . alone in front a computer screen on a Sunday night 😇

I'm really happy with how I've renovated the entire site so far though 🧡 In fact, it's so cute that I think I might have to reactivate Twitter to drive up some small amount of traffic.  Which is why I brought up how it's unnerving for me to post nowadays. . . Plus, I gained weight and when I look in the mirror it's always a jumpscare. I can't be fat, pregnant and posting online. They"ll make fun of me for eating petroleum while pregnant, and how being fat is decreasing my fetus's IQ and so, they'll be less likely to be famous, or rich, an how if you're not famous or rich, you might as well not genuinely exist. Especially if you're neither rich, nor famous, and low IQ. That's the internet for you. If you're not getting paid attention. . . kys. 

But it's got me thinking lately about billionaires and "technology". Computer technology, really, because another sad truth is that the state of technology, as a whole, seems to be completely stuck in the gutter. Elon Musk, Zhang Yiming, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, even the object of my erotomanic love, Alex Karp. . . None of them are developing or inventing anything new. . . Either they fund or write software that gets people to stare longingly into their screens, or they develop some other software that profits and trades the behaviors of everyone once they've already been corralled and fenced into their screens 🐑 (iLove Sheep!) 

Normally, I don't mind. 
It actually hurts me to even think like this because of the fact I grew up significally isolated and socially ostracized, and, the internet, in many ways, saved me. And I'm being majorily hypocrtical because I'm a recluse and don't like engaging with the outside world. But I make a distinction between myself and "the average #Everyone" using my human bias and because I truly believe that I live under extreme levels of social deprivation that not many others do, or should. I do not want to promote my hermitic mode of existence.

 🩹⭐💧 People talk a lot about "builiding community" and "getting to know your neighbors", and in general, I think that's wonderful advice for most people. Unfortunately, for people like me and others, who for whatever reasons, aren't accepted or don't want to or can't engage with the social dynamics that reign while fully embodied offline, the internet has deep value—more value than simply driving engagement or getting rich quick or going viral. At least my heart can beat assured that I'm not hating on the internet as much as I'm hating on the lack of anything else, and the lack of invention, in general. 

It has to be related to why everyone is so obsessed with the apocalypse and the end times, maybe ? 🤔 If we were crafting and discovering marvels of engineering and technology that actually helped people, in their day-to-day, all-too-human-lives, or greatly improved the ability to learn, for example, or do things, or cured disease, helped eliminate famine. . . and not just that: new ways to fabricate clothes, new types of safe and synthetic materials for the home, new modes of transportation, new tools that change the ways we engage with our environments and nature, etc. etc. Maybe then people would realize that humanity still has more to offer, they'd have more faith in the collective, improved moral, and therefore, more creativity and confidence themselves, and if, collectively, we remembered that we actually can take care of each other and that caring for each other is one of, if not literally, our greatest strength. . . I think we'd realize we are more capable than what we've currently been lead, astray, to believe.

All the chaos and violence in the world does make a good case for the end of humanity and the necessity of an exit survival strategy, but that's only because there are so many people invested in making everyone believe that it's hopeless and that we can't make an impact to improve the mundane lives of strangers. 

What I mean is that, if our Thought Leaders and Neofeudal Overlords were actually worth their profit margins and follower counts, they'd invent or fund the inventions of technologies that bring us closer to utopia. But they don't. Because they're boring and they suck. And in fact, they're more invested in misanthropy and spreading the idea of misanthropy because if you hate your neighbors, hate strangers, want nothing to do with the outside world, believe everyone is some Neolibtard Right Wing Fascist, you're easier for them to prey on, track, predict. You're more likely to stay inside the fence. It's so sad and disappointing that they're just regular old business manager men. . . masquerading as inventors and scientific geniuses. 

I mean all technology means nowadays is some fucking website or some string of code. How dull. And it never really does anything interesting. 

Semi-unrelated, but the web3 bullshit has been giving me major whiplash to the mobile and app eras:
"Move Fast and Break Things" 
"We're disrupting the X industry" 
"We're starting a revolution in Z" 
I'd like to play a parlour game where you guess if the slogan was used most popularily during the dot com boom, mobile web, or web3 eras. I'm sure it'd be surprisingly difficult. They keep regurgitating the same market philosophy. Get in early and get rich quick. Elitism. We're so special, the rules don't apply to us. Arrogance. All of that trickles into everything these people and companies create. 

It's just disappointing and it was highlighted today when we went to look at the new iPhone. God, it's so pathetic! And this is one of the most highly valued cultural symbols. We also went to zara Home, which was another disappointment, as it was relocated to the very back of a massive zara store, and I thought it was really funny how the home section displayed "Prada Catwalk" and "Dior Catwalk" coffee table books. At Zara. . . ? I don't understand. Whatever. Cheap masquerading as luxe. 

This all just reminds that the human world, as a whole, is a sort of bummer right now. Disappointing, a little. In a heartbreaking way. It's as if we all decided we hate one another, and so created things to let each other know we think everyone is a piece of shit, and then we used that to confirm that we're right to neglect others and treat them badly, since they're awful anyway. It's like when I joke about how everyone hates me after I told them to go fuck themselves. I'm going to get #Everyone into a crowded room and starve them. I will offer one piece of chocolate and watch as everyone goes feral trying to find it. Then I'm going to use this experiment as proof that humans are nothing more than pathetic animals. They deserve to be caged. We must break the cycle 🤯💢 ! 

A ridiculous example is clothes. Today, if you can believe it, I truly saw how terribly men dress. It's like an expectation that men dress like hideous garbage. Because, I hypothesize, a man who cares about how he looks veers into being perceived as feminine, since only women are expected to take great pains and care into how they look. 

And it's not only that they dress terribly. It's that they dress in sweatpants and sweatshirts. Most of them look like adult babies in onesies. And you know, it's not like I look spectacular, but I always try to make an effort to look nice (unless I'm really on the brink). Not because I "want" to for myself, but because my existence in public influences the entire space and everyone in it. I feel obligated to dress decently to elevate the entire surrounding area. As one little node working in the entire network. If I do my part to look "nice", and if everyone does their part to look "nice", then we will all look nice and the entire space will feel and be nicer. . .  If I do my part not to litter, if I do my part not to leave things in a state of disarray, if I do my part to say excuse me, or to let someone go ahead of me if they're in a rush, if I do my part to be polite and try to help when I see someone needs it, if I do my part to give others the benefit of the doubt, and to be patient towards them and to forgive them. . . (this is not always so easy, but it's all these little boring behaviors enacted while running the most boring errands that can truly add up to make a difference). . . It decreases stress, it creates a sense of community, it can generate a sense of trust in others, it can even, probably, make it easier for some people to go outside and actually engage with the world. But it goes beyond that too. . . it goes into another realm far beyond the day to day. . . and beyond the capabilities of a single node or even a small network... since, well... maybe the information we communicate is currently so corrupt anyway (?) . It goes into predation, domination and exploitation. Probably, but like, also definitey, and obviously.

But at some point, it is easier to not care. It's more acceptable, it's incentivized. It's cool not to give a fuck. It's become so easy not to care that caring actually makes you pathetic and weird. And sometimes it even makes you a target of ridicule. And not just in the realm of the superficial, either. Or—the expectation is: Of course, you have to care (about yourself), but make sure you create the illusion that you don't (this must be directly related to internet socialization and www.cyberlibertarianism (?) since, because it's so clear that you put effort into existing in here, we have to balance that desperation by performing the illusion of ease and effortlessness). It goes back to computer technology and the dismissal of material inventions in favor ones that help everyone escape them. Maybe we dress like prisoners and infants because many of us are are—neotenous children imprisoned to the semi-amorphous, more real than real, digital world that's purely hand-held. Why invest in the 3D embodied world when all the love, interaction, excitement and fun is happening digitally? Why invest in the embodied world when its materially collapsing, we have to keep the lights off, it's cold, and everything is crumbling? 

Hm. . . it goes even further, though, definitely. It's a problem of cheap manufacturing, predation, capitalism, and low quality goods. A problem of NORMALIZING insulting one another and degrading each other. There is a dark cloud of deranged misanthropy that hangs heavy over the world. (Nuclear Weapons). And that's something I'd like to reiterate: Just because I don't like anyone doesn't mean I don't want everyone to be happy and fulfilled. In fact, I'd like people better if they were happier and more fulfilled. And I realize the hubris it takes to assume others aren't as happy. . . but. . . how can we be that happy in a McDonalds, Nike, Apple, Tiktok, Facebook world? A cheap, fast, easy, disposable world. And what's the alternative? Live on some fucking farm and garden? 😕 Learn a new skill and create content in the hopes of going viral to be able to afford the luxury of decent material standards? Log off for good, live in potentially greater social isolation, miss out, and render your existence a type of luxury product that's only available for a limited time and under very particular and exclusive terms and conditions? I mean, obviously, the latter is my preferred alternative. But I just mean. . . #Everyone deserves better. And I think we should definitely invent miraculous new tools and machines. Ugh, soon. Pluto in Aquarius and Uranus in Gemini. I have some ... moderate faith in them.

* it's quite late and I'm off to bed now, I will try to fix any typos tomorrow. XO