Categories: innersanctum

i’ve been thinking today about humanity. “humanity” omg, it’s FAKE.

✰ how i sleep at night knowing humanity isn’t real

🛸🧸 okay, um. i shouldn’t be typing actually, i want to online.shopx 🛍️🫀
anyway, yes, so humanity isn’t real, first of all (in this mood, come back later and humanity is the most real absolutely certain thing to ever exist!). i mean, humanity is made up concept, etc. the concept is always changing, so stop trying to make it a fucking fixed thing! obsessed with boundaries distinctions and separation. escape escape! render me into an evenly fuzzy soft blur. x

💌 {sorry about my post the other day ? yesterday…  if you saw it. i was harsh and I felt miserable. i will be better prepared next time to endure the pain!}.

well. humanity, yes. i was so fired up about this earlier and then i calmed down… in any case, this is a Subject i contemplate often because i’m something bad, probably. i think, because, i think about climate destruction, sterility, infertility, modification, pollution, chemicals, embodiment, “what it means to be human” (only because people are telling me that this is inhuman), how malleable and adaptable is humanity, liquid, really! so many things we could say about humanity and i think about a future where everyone is sterile, unable to breathe in the polluted atmosphere, on another planet, with bones weakened from pollution, made of plastic, etc. and how we’ll use pharmaceutical companies and Alibabamazon© artificial placentas, 3D printed ovum and synthetic sperm to buy a generated modified clone child made in corporate laboratory. What if we need supplementary breathing apparatuses and exoskeletons to compensate for what’s gone on? And, most importantly. i love my vat grown child. i think about this child and i think about how people now would talk to this person and how they would feel if they read the things that i have read…

sorry for the gratuitous self whoredom i wanted to upload just the picture but the sizes all looked terrible so it’s simply God’s Plan

…and when I think about the requirements to be “human” always seemingly narrower and narrower, I feel defensive and protective for all the semi-human non-humans in the world. Technology exacerbates this problem, maybe, so often technology can accidentally, momentarily mirror our ugliest characteristics and all we can focus on is that flaw… And in this case, the flaw is that humanity, for centuries, has been taking it upon itself, inside tiny clustered groups, the authority to determine human from subhuman. Most forms of prejudice seem to me to be variants of this. The way humanity dehumanizes segments of itself is interesting in the same way that disease is interesting…and there are a lot of people who do not feel human and it is other humans who can either humanize or dehumanize each other. Quite simple. Too many people are dehumanizing one another. Personally, I’m going to violently humanize you. Everyone who knows me knows I want you to be horrifically human.

There are so many agendas out there, running amok. I genuinely believe, whether or not this belief originated from an ancient dead star or not, that most of our thoughts largely, partially, originate from outside ourselves, from agents beyond our perception (which I also include as being my children), and that these operators are QUITE capricious and mischievous! with a penchant towards bullying, sadism, and pranks that hurt, etc.! well, yes, on my watch they do this, while I’m in my human form, but not without my disappointment, and just wait until I’ve dispersed into space again! and anyway, so these agendas, darling, they make it so that sometimes, even me, yes, even me, express things with the hope to help or console, etc. but accidentally end up causing harm! you’ll see it all the time. unintended consequences. we are all familiar. and well, what I want to say is that people benefit when they dehumanize others, and some people know this and try to covertly dehumanize and engineer the desire for degradation! The less human They are, the more Human I become [ i am doing this right now, i Other the entire species of humanity and become God (complex) ] The less power they have, the more I can control. The more power they have! The harder I must rebel. oh well… this is just how it is on this poor old world..this .poor old … earth, and our mid-life crisis disoriented sun…

if I were vacuum-sealed inside plastic lacquered in Some Kind of stasis fluid, floating in liquid nitrogen filled antigravity chamber with wobbly bones, fragile lungs, dumb, and with a golden electrical cable locked into my spine as an artificial tail plugged into the wall softly shocked with healing life-supporting currents OR if I used this electrical cable as an extra limb and instead of life-supporting current I plug it into the wall and let it shock and fuck me somehow? Yes. I remain human.

I don’t think I’m human anymore because I’m vaccinated and that’s what everyone online seems to say. I just looked at Twitter and saw something about eugenics. Is it eugenics when medicine helps someone survive? Or is it eugenics when only some people are allowed to access medicine that keeps them alive? I don’t really want to talk about that … I’m not thinking about that … but I know biotechnology is closely related to eugenics and I don’t mean to support eugenics, if I am, I don’t mean to. It’s not a policy discussion, anyway, I’m just thinking about my future descendants in space, born with gummy bones and weakened lungs, turned to cyborgs to survive, and even not so far out, just other forms of life… once you dehumanize someone, something… that’s what justifies harming them, ostracizing, demonizing, and abusing them and that’s what I think upsets me so much, is that in my mind, these people are attacking my children! And how dare you attack my children that I’ve imagined but I’m sure they exist because I was sent here from the future and even in the present.., it just feels that way. 😊

it kind of hurts, I get so passionate about that because I want to expand humanity and not limit and restrict the definitions, i want to see “humanity” reflected inside grain of sand and bunny of dust.. and normal, basic, normal, average humanity, even here: there are just so many ways to be human!!!! I’m sure the variety of humanity and human experience is as infinite as infinity itself… but it’s okay, I’m not mad or anything. I think it’s strange, I guess I get frightened by the arrogance though to decide for oneself that they’re able to differentiate between what’s genuinely authentic human behavior and what’s VICTIM SHEEP BRAINWASHED CORPORATELY PATENTED SYNTHETIC HUMANOID INDUSTRIAL SENTIENT MEAT PRODUCT… gosh! Gosh! Even to me, sweethearts, the patented synthetic humanoid industrial sentient meat product is as human and as deserving of all beauty, love, and sweetness as any of us… and it doesn’t even make sense! It doesn’t make sense! sense sense sense, can we please sense! some sensing here let’s expose our skin to the currents and let them vibrate through us and then we’ll understand everything {I’m performing even when I’m typing, sometimes I worry someone would read this and be like, my goodness she’s sick… well, that may be so, but, well, at least, it’s a good performance then if you’re convinced!}

yes, so, as I was saying, it doesn’t make sense! the world is full of chemicals and weird intermixing of radiation and mass and it just seems funny to seem to assert that we must remain ONE WAY, stay still, don’t fucking change! What’s with that? I become sleepy.  It’s bedtime. I must add to this later someday, I need to paint but I guess it’s a phase of words. Anyway, everyone is a product, everyone is some kind of mutation, everything is some kind of mutation! But you know, yes, it is bedtime this is so true, and I’ve made myself sad. It’s alright! I don’t understand, you know I truly don’t understand. I wish to write a 1950’s tragic love ballad about how I long to understand yet always fail to comprehend …  I’m not misanthropic either, it’s a kind of maternal frustration feeling. I don’t understand! Okay. so I understand I must scapegoat a group to enhance the status of my own, no one will recognize my superiority if I’m not arrogant, callous, and mean, and living beings are just as much part of the disposable trend and waste cycle as fast fashion and memes. This is simply what it means to be human. You tell me how to be human. You know what’s human, dear, you’re in with all the humans, so I trust you. 🤎

I leave you with this so you can make fun of me more hurtfully.

don’t you just want to cry and lament the perception of the passage of time and how much HAUNTED history lays behind us and follows our every movement like a grave and vengeful specter i want to cry when i think of how close i am and yet how far ⏳🐍🌾🪚


    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *